Things you won't find in Japan:

Sidewalks
I'm not sure what the rationale is for entirely omitting sidewalks from even the most modern cities here, but I'm sure it's related to the Japanese obsession with saving space, even when they don't have to. So where does everybody walk? Right out on the street, alongside the boxy cars, mopeds, and bicycles. Fortunately, this being Japan, everybody pretty much cooperatively mingles with everybody else, and nobody gets hurt. (Maybe this is why seemingly no biker in the entire country wears a helmet.)

Driers
Washers, they got. Tiny, boxy, washing machines the size of a hotel mini-fridge. But driers are apparently considered an outrageous extravagance over here. So every apartment has a tiny balcony, which is used solely for hanging one's clothes out to dry. Not for barbecuing. Not for socializing. Drying. Far be it from me to criticize air-drying—it saves energy and keeps clothes from getting fuzzy. But man, all those balconies, festooned from top to bottom with all manner of towels, baby clothes, parkas and socks... It makes even the swankiest Tokyo high-rise look like some sort of giant vertical trailer park.

Garbage Cans
What's that? You thought Tokyo was one of the cleanest cities on earth? Well, it's no Singapore, but yeah, Tokyo (and everywhere else I've been around here) is near-spotless. So how do they pull it off when there's nowhere to throw out your damn trash? The answer may be too horrifying for a gaijin to contemplate: in Japan, it's considered grossly inappropriate to eat or drink or unwrap that new CD while walking around outside. In other words, they don't put garbage cans in public places because good Japanese citizens only generate garbage in the privacy of their own homes. Yes, they sell candy bars and bags of chips here. No, I have no idea what you're supposed to do with them.

Orthodontics
People often refer to Japan as a "Land of Contradictions." This is apparently code for "These people built the world's fastest train, so why can't they handle even basic dental hygiene?" The dental conditions I've seen in my short time here are the stuff of nightmares. Teeth the color of asphalt. Shark-like rows of jagged yellow slivers. Exploding molar grenades, frozen in time. I just can't figure it out. If they can afford to live in Tokyo, they can afford braces. At least now you know why nobody ever smiles in Japanese porn.