I thought losing my cell phone was going to be a week-long inconvenience, but that was before everything went all Kafka on me.

In a nutshell, many companies in Japan won't sell you anything that involves monthly billing if your residency visa is due to expire in less than three months. That's right, not even if you already have an active account with them, and just want to replace a wayward phone. (In defense of Japan and its legendary xenophobia, they do let you use your credit card instead. If you have one.)

I'm just glad I didn't lose it two months ago, in which case I'd be expected, if I'm understanding this correctly, to simply go without a phone. For a quarter of a year. In Tokyo. Cell phone are to Tokyo what cars are to Los Angeles. I teach four-year-olds who have their own phones.

Fortunately, as things stand, my visa renewal is already in progress, and I should receive a piece of paper in the mail that I can use as a substitute in a week or two. In the meantime, anyone out there who wants to call me can do so—for free—if they've got Apple's iChat AV 2.1 or AIM 5.5. Just drop me an e-mail and we'll set up a time.