Hey, is there an election coming up? I can't read the newspapers here, but one of my students asked me about it, so I thought I'd look into it. Apparently Howard Dean's lost some of his momentum—has anyone heard anything?

Yes, I'm kidding.

The scary post-Halloween election is certainly the most important to take place in my lifetime, and I'm pleased to see that my vote matters in no way whatsoever. I know the electoral college was invented to make sure the more scarcely populated states didn't get the shaft every four years, but this is ridiculous. The entire future of the country depends on a few hundred thousand people in 11 states who have trouble making decisions. That is, quite frankly, insane.

Just to be clear what I mean when I say my vote doesn't matter: I don't mean it in the big picture sense—i.e., that the election hinges on which pro-war millionaire Yalie with poor public speaking skills will have the opportunity to not implement a national health-care system. I mean it in the sense that my vote will not actually be counted at all. You knew that, right? Absentee ballots aren't even opened if they're received in states where the election results aren't close. Like, say, California.

I mailed in my absentee ballot this morning for one reason and one reason only. So that when my friends interrupt me two years from now, in the middle of one of my usual rambling tirades, with, "Oh yeah? And did you vote?", I can retort, "Yes, I did," and keep going. That privilege is worth preserving. My friends interrupt me a lot.

In case you're wondering how I voted: Hell yes they should go back to calling it Candlestick Park.

As was prophesied, so has it come to pass! I present to the multitudes four resplendent new desktop pictures, that they may grace the incandescent glass heart of your computing machines, and so enrich your use thereof. Truly, this is a day of wonderment!